You would be amazed by what Google tries to predict when your typing in a search these days. It predicts what your typing in based on your first letters and words and gives you a list of popular complete searches that it thinks your after.
But some predictions seem a little strange if you ask me. If this is really what the world is thinking, we are living with a bunch of weirdos in my opinion. Below are genuine predictions to what Google thinks we're searching. If you don't believe me type the first few words into Google yourself.
Why is there... a dead pakistani on my couch.
Why is... a raven like a writing desk.
Where does... Cheryl Cole/Miley Cirus/ Katie Price/Robert Pattison live? (We're all a bunch of stalkers apparently)
Why does... my vag smell?
Why can't I... get a girlfriend?
Why can't... humans fly?
Have you ever d... rank Baileys from a shoe?
Why are... black people so ugly?
Why are... people racist?
Is it wrong... to finger yourself?
Is it wrong... to sleep with your cousin?
Is it wrong... to sleep with your sister?
Is it wrong... to have an affair?
Do g... uys like pubic hair?
I need a... poo.
Is a... banana a herb?
I like to p... lay with myself.
Who took... the jam out of your doughnut?
Why is my... poop green?
Can I have a... go on your baps?
I feel like... a pig shat in my head.
Wednesday, 23 December 2009
Sunday, 13 December 2009
Chapter Eighteen - Shoot your friend, save an apple.
Apple Shooter is one of the funniest games where it is actually more fun to miss than hit the apple.
Sunday, 18 October 2009
Thursday, 15 October 2009
Chapter Sixteen - Finding a job in demand.
As you may or may not know, I'm studying Sports Journalism at Staffordshire University. The first year was a piece of piss really. The marks achieved do not go towards my final degree score, and merely passing the modules guaranteed you a safe passage into the second year, along with a years worth of hangovers.
But the realisation of knowing within the next two years I'll have to get a job has got me wondering, am I suited to a career in journalism? The answer in my opinion, is no.
So where now? The careers centre I guess. But I do want to look at jobs that are in demand and learn the skills if necessary. The Army is not an option because everyone is applying for the armed forces in tough economic times. So it looks like I'll be at the job centre in a few years time.
But the realisation of knowing within the next two years I'll have to get a job has got me wondering, am I suited to a career in journalism? The answer in my opinion, is no.
So where now? The careers centre I guess. But I do want to look at jobs that are in demand and learn the skills if necessary. The Army is not an option because everyone is applying for the armed forces in tough economic times. So it looks like I'll be at the job centre in a few years time.
Monday, 28 September 2009
Chapter Fifteen - Thou shall not kill, except if internet suppliers piss you off.
Having moved into my new house in Stoke while I'm doing my second year of university me and my house mates decided to get the internet connected. This may be all very well and good. After all, the internet is a valuable source of information for any course you may be studying. Christ knows how people did their degrees without it. I suppose the library was actually pretty full fifteen years ago.
Anyway, after settling on Virgin Media as our internet supplier and signing the contracts they finally come across as a set of useless arseholes.
I don't apologise for the above statement one bit to be honest. It was the most polite word I can think of to describe them. The engineer didn't have a clue what he was doing. He simply gave us a modem, plugged it into the mains and after half an hour pissing about making himself look busy, he fucks off leaving us with no internet and a £30 installation fee. Frankly, I'm refusing to pay it because technically we installed the internet ourselves (or to be precise, Ian did.)
He had to nick the installation disc from Dan's house and set up the activation process himself on his laptop before we were left with one modem and an used wireless router which we can't figure out because the instructions are missing. To make a further mockery of Virgin Media, they promised us another free router which they still haven't delivered.
Richard Branson doesn't know what type of useless vaginas run his company.
Anyway, after settling on Virgin Media as our internet supplier and signing the contracts they finally come across as a set of useless arseholes.
I don't apologise for the above statement one bit to be honest. It was the most polite word I can think of to describe them. The engineer didn't have a clue what he was doing. He simply gave us a modem, plugged it into the mains and after half an hour pissing about making himself look busy, he fucks off leaving us with no internet and a £30 installation fee. Frankly, I'm refusing to pay it because technically we installed the internet ourselves (or to be precise, Ian did.)
He had to nick the installation disc from Dan's house and set up the activation process himself on his laptop before we were left with one modem and an used wireless router which we can't figure out because the instructions are missing. To make a further mockery of Virgin Media, they promised us another free router which they still haven't delivered.
Richard Branson doesn't know what type of useless vaginas run his company.
Friday, 11 September 2009
Wednesday, 9 September 2009
Chapter Thirteen - How to predict the lottery numbers.
On Wednesday 9th September 2009, I predict that tonight's lottery numbers are the following;
9, 15, 26, 33, 34 & 47.
9, 15, 26, 33, 34 & 47.
Tuesday, 8 September 2009
Chapter Eleven - The evil of Internet blogging.
Its too much bother to constantly update an Internet blog on a routine basis. I mean, who has the time to constantly update a blog with the pressures of everyday life pushing down on you whatever your lifestyle? Whether your a businessman, middle management or working on the minimum wage, all you want to do when you have a bit of time to yourself is to chill out and relax. Mabye cathch up on a bit of Sky+, iPlayer or watch a DVD. Whatever it is, most of the time you just want to forget about all your worries.
My main blog, A Tap on the Twenty, had only been updated once since Febuary until now. In that time, a lot of issues have been dead and buried within the Rugby League world. Take Setanta Sport's administration for example. It put English fans of the NRL into a panic less than 24 hours before a very important game in July. And yet I only just reported on it last night. An even bigger wait for an update was this blog. I had not updated this place since October, until now.
And its not just me being lazy. A large proportion of active blogs have been left out of date, some as far back as 2002. Its very hard finding the time to keep updating a blog. But from now on I promise to keep both my blogs updated for as long as I can.
My main blog, A Tap on the Twenty, had only been updated once since Febuary until now. In that time, a lot of issues have been dead and buried within the Rugby League world. Take Setanta Sport's administration for example. It put English fans of the NRL into a panic less than 24 hours before a very important game in July. And yet I only just reported on it last night. An even bigger wait for an update was this blog. I had not updated this place since October, until now.
And its not just me being lazy. A large proportion of active blogs have been left out of date, some as far back as 2002. Its very hard finding the time to keep updating a blog. But from now on I promise to keep both my blogs updated for as long as I can.
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